Coffee, Jareth, Coffee!
by Sylistra the scholar
Summary: Edited for grammar. Thanks for the reviews everyone! Rated M for safety, and slight insanity.


**A/N: Since this got such fantastic reviews, I fixed all of the grammar mistakes I could find. Plus there are two Buffy references, I forgot to mention the other one (most of you figured it out already). And just in case that they might poof (and I haven't done this reposting thing in awhile so my memory is kinda shot in that regard) all previous reviews have been saved because I treasured them so much. And a BIG thank you to everyone. Whether or not I responded to your review it really helped and inspired me to write more crack fiction…not to mention I have a lot of laughs. And my GOD the "be verbs" I found…I didn't reword everything for the sake of humor but still there's a lot…**

…**Though one reviewer was kind enough to compare me to my romance story… The Princess Bride. Demeter1973 *overdramatic sniffles* this update is for you*Happysob*.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Labyrinth nor do I own Vogue Magazine…nor do I own Buffy.**

Long ago, sometime in the 1980s, there was a girl, a baby boy, and a king. The Girl was young, barely 15, she was a spoiled, petulant child. The Baby Boy was young and sweet but could barely coo on call if prompted. Then there was the King. The King lived in a magical land and was arrogant, cruel, but devilishly handsome. The King lived far, far away from the Girl and the Baby Boy. Strange that one day, that they would all meet. And they did in fact, though it was not best day, for the King in particular. The Baby Boy does not remember the occurrence, and well the Girl…she forgot the event by sheer force of will. Several years would pass before they met once again. Only the Baby Boy could not be there. Not that anything bad happened…he is just still far too young for this particular role. You will figure out why soon enough…

Sarah awoke slowly this morning, thoroughly exhausted. Her back muscles sore and a headache already pounding. It was a borderline hangover…not that she drank. Nope, Sarah never drank, no drinking for Sarah. She would _never_ stay up late drinking when she had a paper due. She just occasionally woke up with pounding headaches, and a bad taste in her mouth, followed by a quick trip to the toilet for a ritual of praying to the porcelain gods. Anyway, after _not_ experiencing a common hangover, Sarah slipped on a pair of completely _unnecessary_ sunglasses and brushed her teeth, for routine and not necessity. She then took a quick shower going over her morning routine in her head while doing without her usual booming shower music, for no _particular reason_. After slipping into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, Sarah gingerly wrapped a towel around her head, took some aspirin, and changed to a darker set of sunglasses. Once again, for no particular reason, just that the sun was unusually bright. It had nothing to do with the party at Kappa Kappa Beta's house and a keg. Not. One. Bit.

Therefore, Sarah stumbled out of her little bedroom and went to her house's kitchen completely ignoring the giggles that did not sound like the regular college girls. They sounded smaller, darker in tone…like evil gnomes or something. Sarah did not care; however, she just wanted pancakes and coffee.

Jareth the Mighty King of Goblins, and Lord over the Labyrinth, was _so_ not pining. A Mighty King of Goblins and Lord over the Labyrinth does not pine. It is that simple, nope, no pining here. The closest thing to a pine near the king was a nearby tree. Jareth was too powerful for such a loathsome thing as pining. He desired, wanted for something, but he never pined. It was too close to begging, and begging was weak. In addition, since when was a Mighty King of Goblins, or a Lord over the Labyrinth weak? Hmm? Never, not once in the underground history was the King considered weak. Except this one little occurrence a few years before, but that was stricken from the record.

So if Jareth was not pining, what was he doing? He was bored; Mighty Kings of Goblins can be bored, as well as Lords over the Labyrinth. And what did he do when he was bored? Well he certainly did not spy, and he absolutely _never_ looked longingly in random crystals. He just occasionally glanced at figures of stricken records. So what if it was never mentioned? He had a right to monitor potential nemeses. In fact it was well within his rights and for the sake of his kingdom, that he should make peace with any potential nemeses, yes? It was perfectly legitimate that he should randomly visit an old acquaintance after seven years of not speaking. Especially when the potential nemeses could cause damage to the kingdom. So in Jareth's mind, he was on a diplomatic mission, he was not pining, and he was most certainly not under the thrall of a gorgeous mortal with the most cruel eyes any man had ever known. Therefore, it made perfect sense that Jareth would plan to catch the girl off guard.

Sarah, had yet to get her coffee, and she was pissed about it. She lumbered over to the coffee maker only to find that none of her Theta sisters managed to start coffee for her. No one ever denied Sarah of coffee, they had learned better. Especially on mornings like this, yet here, she had to wrestle with the coffee pot. She was in desperation unlike any other, just waiting for that green light to come on, and that heady scent of the brown grounds hitting the air. When the coffee maker did in fact start working, it was then Sarah began being primped. Since it was the winter holiday, Sarah had no classes. Most of her fellow Theta's were off on Christmas Holiday, but Sarah's family went off to visit Karen's sister, Judith. Sarah did not merit an invitation for some reason. Which made her even more pissed, and then there was that headache that most certainly was _not_ a hangover, that made her even more pissed.

The steaming Sarah decided to go out onto the Theta House's balcony as she waited for coffee…precious coffee. Freshly fallen snow painted the deck in white and the leafless forest in front of her had snow lined on every branch. It was beautiful, and incredibly cold. Yet for some reason Sarah walked onto the deck, barefoot, with naught but jeans and a t-shirt, her hair still in the towel. She shivered and shook as if trying to beat the weather, but in the end, the weather beat her back. Therefore, Sarah walked back into the house impatiently awaiting that coffee. It was then she went back down the hall towards her room and took the towel out of her hair. She shook her head loosening the sopping tendrils sending flecks of vanilla scented water all about her room. Sarah then pulled out a copy of _Vogue_ magazine, the Sunday newspaper, and a comb for her hair.

As she returned to the kitchen she tossed the papers onto the coffee table in the sitting room, yawning. She paid no mind to the fact that a window was open and snow leading to one of the chairs. She just turned around back to the kitchen to prepare herself some yummy carbohydrate filled pancakes drenched in syrup. She cared little for odd occurrences, wafts of déjà vu…

"Hello Sarah."

…or looming voices of forgotten people.

Sarah stopped in her tracks. Her Coffee was almost completely forgotten as she turned around sharply, her soaked hair following, flinging off more of the vanilla scented water. Her green eyes, ablaze and defiance set in her jaw…she was a vision as always.

Jareth sat with a sensually pointed smirk, as he lounged in one of the most comfortable of armchairs. He still dressed as if the sophisticated, _Twisted Sister_. He wore the sinfully tight pants that on any other day would have Sarah blushing. He wore the exposing poet shirt that extenuated his muscled chest rather then covering it. His Alabaster skin still seemed to glisten with radiant magic…that or he was sweating with nerves… whichever was more likely. However, Jareth was the epitome of sex appeal and took pride in it. Therefore, it was a strange wonder when Sarah just said "Coffee" and walked away. Jareth sat there stunned, and growled with frustration.

"Sarah don't ignore me," Jareth Said following the strange girl.

"Coffee, coffee, and more importantly coffee" She replied not even turning her head as she waltzed into the kitchen and snagged a cup from a cabinet.

"Please Sar-"

"Coffee"

"Sarah"

"Needs her coffee"

"Bloody Hell woman! Say something else!" Jareth fumed.

"Jareth, shut up. Don't say another word, I am tired, and need coffee. We will talk after, coffee first, talk later," Sarah, said clearing her throat and grabbing various creams and sugars from other cabinets.

"How dare you, you=" Sarah cut Jareth off and covered her ears.

"LalalalalalalalaaaaCoffee!LaaalaaaCoffeee!" She sang as she continued to cover her ears, used her elbows to turn off the coffee pot, and dragged it out of its stand. She turned noticing that Jareth was red-faced, fuming, and had a twitch in his darker colored eye.

Sarah almost laughed, but was faced with the heavenly scent of fresh coffee. She took the pot and poured a large cup almost to the brim with the black liquid of the gods. She then poured a spoonful of sugar and vanilla creamery as she stirred her little concoction. She then proceeded to the kitchen island and sat at the bar. She did not even glance at Jareth until she downed two cups and nursed her third.

"So, you wanted to talk?" She asked sweetly with a smile plastered on that gorgeous face of hers.

_**Two minutes later…**_

"YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!"

"Broken record are we?"

"Oh Shut your gob, you glitter faced ass."

"Oh precious that stings! You haven't changed a bit, you selfish child!"

"If I am a child then why were you hitting on me you pervert!"

"This is rich, how am I a pervert? _You_ are the one who made a joke about my pants!"

"Well YOU wear them! I can't help it if you put them on in the morning."

"Oh but you could precious, you can help me put on anything. Hell, you can help me take some things off too."

"Gah! I'll take _something_ off you bastard!" Sarah shouted as she leapt towards the coffee stained Fae, I wonder how that happened…

_**10 minutes later…**_

"Okay, okay you're not that bad…"

"Why thank you Sarah"

"You're despicable, annoying, evil, vile, waste of flesh, waste of body glitter, and no matter how much you alter it, a waste of my time!"

"Wench"

"Bastard"

_**Immediately after…**_

"Oh Jareth"

"Ohhh my precious Sarah, my love!" Jareth cries as he grabs her in a tender kiss.

_**And then many, many sticky, toe-curling, sweaty, and confusing hours later…**_

Both Jareth and Sarah are reclining on an ornate bed, the sheets are drawn up just barely covering Sarah's breasts, and Jareth vainly kept his chest exposed. Sweat glistened on their flesh, and Sarah's hair no longer smelled strongly of vanilla shampoo. Jareth's fluffy hair was soaking wet from those many, many sticky, toe-curling, sweaty, and confusing hours. Both of their breathing was quite labored and Sarah yawned appreciatively.

"You see, If I didn't get my coffee, I wouldn't have had the energy for that," Sarah said teasingly nipping at Jareth's ear, he groaned in reply.

"Ohh coffee is a very good thing, a very good thing," Jareth moaned.

And so the Girl became the King's Queen. They didn't live happily ever after though…well not until the King managed to rewire an espresso machine to run on magic. After that, the King and Queen lived happily ever after. Except the Boy…he was stuck at his Aunt Judith's… that woman has the worst cooking on this side of the veils.

**A/N: Okay I updated this because there were some errors that just screamed at me, mostly from my author's notes and since I might have friends who read my stuff… I'm easing up on my silliness and removing more risky and annoying projects that have littered my profile. :D And I would like to apologize to all non fangirls and fanboys who were possibly traumatized by the idea with many sticky icky hours with David Bowie. Not everybody is perfect LOL **

*-*-*-*Also, clearing up a plot hole, I said Sarah had a paper due, but then she was on holiday as well, I imagine she could still turn in her paper, but not in class, or that she never finished her paper and it was due after break.


End file.
